Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Randomize
