Little spoons don't ask big questions
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
