Umm I'm too high to move.
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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