I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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