I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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