I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
