If i come over, it means nothing
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
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