trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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