he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
