i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
