The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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