I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
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