i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
