I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
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