i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize
