Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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