hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
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