i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
two words: eviction party
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
