yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
