He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
