she was so not down for the gang bang
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Randomize
