after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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