she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
