I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Randomize
