No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Randomize
