Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Randomize
