Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
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