watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
