Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize