Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
