so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
