Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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