Have you finally orgasmed yet?
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
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