He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
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