Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
