i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
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