I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
