dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
