covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
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