It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize