i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
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