I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
