Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
