That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Randomize
