We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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