We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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