If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
