shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
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