i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
