This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
