you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
