I just cut my nipple shaving
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
