I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
