Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
