Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
