I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
