dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
