I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
She told me I should be a condom model.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Randomize
