Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Randomize
