My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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