Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
