she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
