i just google imaged poop.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
COCAINE IS GR8
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
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