You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
