she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
you inspire me to be a worse person
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
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