I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Randomize
