I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
