why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Randomize