fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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