New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Randomize
