also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Randomize
